“From Hijabi to Hoe…”

‘From hijabi to hoe;

Your iman must have been low!”

Those are the words that I woke up to this morning. I heard my phone go off and grabbed it sleepily, wondering who could be texting me this early. It was actually a text from Facebook, notifying me of the message that my ex-husband sent me. Now keep in mind that I have not verbally spoken to this man since November 2010. The last contact I had with him at all was in December,when he messaged me to chastise me about taking off my hijab. I blocked him but apparently he created a new profile and decided to pick up right where he left. In a nutshell, I’m an apostatizing whore, alcoholic , a disgrace and lower than the dirt underneath his shoes-all because I don’t wear hijab. This man knows nothing about my life or what I do. But the fact that I show my hair to the world and no longer walk around in a black abaya is enough for him to make assumptions about my deeds and my sex life.

As I read the entirety of his message, I literally shook my head. It was all so cliched and pathetic. Certain Muslims cannot comprehend the fact that apostates are not driven by a desire to be drunk and promiscuous.  He continued ranting about how horrible I was and that even though he made mistakes he “still had his Islam” and was a better human being than me because of it. All this is coming from a man who refused to allow me to work-even though he was laid off and would not send me enough money to live off of.A man who was threatened by a pair of two-inch heels and only allowed me to wear flats in public. A man who didn’t even have the decency to tell me that he no longer wanted the marriage. A man who didn’t even follow the procedures for giving me an Islamic divorce. A man who flat out lied to me about the timing and circumstances of his conversion to Islam. A man who had a secret life as an internet extremist. This self-described strong Muslim man feels the need to harass and intimidate a woman.

I reported and blocked him(again). But his tirade got me thinking: why do some people continue to judge all women by the madonna-whore dichotomy? I mean it’s so asinine to me. Now that I choose not to walk around in a black tent, I’m an evil person? The crime of removing hijab is equivalent to being a prostitute? Why do we insist on making it black and white when there is so much gray?

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A native Seattleite and recent East Coast transplant, I have been interested in politics, religion, and race from the day I saw “The Autobiography of Malcolm X” on the bookshelf belonging to my BFF’s mom back in 1991. While my zealotry has thankfully diminished with maturity, I remain the deep thinking, passionate, and humble woman I have always been. I reside in the suburbs of NYC with my husband, daughter, and our two feisty but deeply loved cats.

10 thoughts on ““From Hijabi to Hoe…”

  1. That’s crazy that he would do something like that after all this time….
    I get much of the same, not so much about hijab, but about the apostacy. Apparently, if you leave Islam you automatically become a drunken, drug addicted whore that can’t be trusted with children *rolling eyes*.

  2. I think some people simply insist on being controlling and abusive. Women and men, your ex included.

    Religion is such an excellent way to control, no wonder so many abusive people/leaders/countries love to use it.

    I am sorry you experienced this. I am also thankful you did what you needed to do and got the hell away. I hope you keep record of your exes harassment and report his ass to the police. Piece of shit.

    Fucking idiots. There is no better description.

    1. Very good point! I don’t really blame Islam itself for my ex-husband’s behavior. I think he’s just an insecure man with anger management issues, period. His faith just exacerbates tendencies that are already there. If he was a Christian he’d be the same way and would cherry-pick Scriptures in the Bible to justify his actions. Though his harassment angered me, I reminded myself that at least I am away from him and doing well. He is a nuisance and nothing more.

  3. He sounds much like my ex. When he is feeling powerless, he uses you as a scapegoat to make himself feel better. And goes out of his way to try to get negative reaction, which explains some of the vitriol. He hates it that you have a life of your own, away from his sphere of control. So he tries to make you miserable.

    1. Pretty much. I know that he is still unemployed, living at home and unmarried. I think that his unhappiness with his own situation causes him to lash out. It’s quite pathetic though, because the energy he puts into bothering me does absolutely nothing to improve his own situation.

  4. Here’s what I think is at the root of this dumb behavior: the poor muslim feels like an idiot and a failure for loosing you (or maybe control over you) and doesn’t know how to deal with this depression like an adult.

    Really good for you that you are free from him.

  5. I often question why muslim men specifically have such a hard time understanding the removal of a woman’s hijab. Is it that they feel that they have lost control somehow? Is their level of control measured by how muslim women dress? I have heard may times muslim men talk of women who cover and who don’t. COvered women suddenly become saints, and uncovered women have no iman and are loose. What is this obsession? Why do they feel like they have such a responsibility, that our covering is somehow their ticket to heaven. Are men THAT stupid?

    I honestly believe that the hijab in general has always been a mechanism by which men control women. There are so many things a covered woman cannot do, and men love that. It was never about faith. And it will never be about faith. My family is Muslim from generations back. But somehow, this hijab obsession has gotten SO much worse in recent years. Back in the 50’s a woman made sure to cover her knees and wore a loose scarf around their hair which they wore down. They breastfed openly in public, and men never kicked up a fuss. But these days, expose an ankle or a wrist, or your hair or your neck, and your a whore? WTF?

  6. typical… I didn’t experience what you are going through, my ex-husband keeps quiet but I am very sure he has to have the same feelings to a certain level. It is inside islam: you should hate the deeds of disbelievers! They are programmed to think this way. Every love he surely still has for you, he is not allowed to show and even feel in his heart. It is very sad and I am sure we as apostates are much better off, at least we can start dealing with things and finding out who we are really as a person!

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