Chile BYE: A Farewell to Online Misogynoir

I stared at the link on my screen, debating whether I should click play. The video, titled “Why I Don’t Date Black Women”, was sent to me by my favorite cousin. He is my only relative who shares my views on race, so we frequently build on the subject. As a black man he shares my distress with the way sisters are treated and insulted publicly. I know his intentions in sending me the link were good; he wanted me to see what made him so upset.

I clicked play. I made it 1:34 seconds into the seven minute video. I couldn’t continue. This “brother” ranted on how ‘ghetto’ black women are and how he refuses to deal with us due to our bad attitudes. He’s not alone in his thinking. Indeed there are a number of black males on YouTube and within the blogosphere who have amassed a following by telling the world how terrible, ugly and worthless black women are. They used to upset me. Whenever their vitriol reached me my temperature would rise. I could feel myself go into attack mode. I’d channel the rage of Oshun, ready to eviscerate in the defense of Black womanhood. But it all became so TIRING. I had to ask myself: what is listening to such videos and reading such filth actually DOING for me as a Black woman in America? How does it empower ME to live a more fulfilling, joyous life? They do not!

Misogynoir-filled videos and posts don’t serve any positive purpose in my life. They are not informative. I already know how much certain black men detest black women; I learned that lesson in my teens. I cannot change the minds of such black men. At this point I do not care to. These types gain notoriety for assassinating she who is the foundation of our people. They perpetuate centuries old stereotypes of black women, stereotypes that continue to be used to harm and oppress black women. And while these black men certainly have the freedom to regurgitate such mess I do not have to listen to them. So I won’t waste anymore of that precious resource on black men like this. I have a child to raise, sistren to uplift and inspire and a community to build.

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A native Seattleite and recent East Coast transplant, I have been interested in politics, religion, and race from the day I saw “The Autobiography of Malcolm X” on the bookshelf belonging to my BFF’s mom back in 1991. While my zealotry has thankfully diminished with maturity, I remain the deep thinking, passionate, and humble woman I have always been. I reside in the suburbs of NYC with my husband, daughter, and our two feisty but deeply loved cats.

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