Do You Really Want It: On Stagnation and Laziness

It’s the last day of the workweek, and I’m sitting at the drive-through window of an espresso stand. “Strength” by John P. Kee is streaming on my phone. Though it is one of my favorite gospel songs, it just isn’t what my energy needs at the moment. The barista passes my drink to me, and before I pull away, I switch to a dancehall and soca playlist.
When Bunji Garlin coolly states ‘we ready’ during the first thirty seconds of “Differentology,” I think to myself that’s more like it!

The song nurtures a daydream of enjoying myself at a fete or Carnival, and I can see myself in the midst of such an event. But the way I see myself in the daydream doesn’t match the woman on her way to work. For while I’ve made progress in stabilizing my weight since first addressing the issue in November,  I am not yet where I want to be. The bulges have receded, but a beach body isn’t in sight! My desire to get my lower abs back into crop-top condition clashed with the Grande Caramel Macchiato sitting in my cup holder.
The discrepancy between my stated goal and my actions served as the inspiration for this post. I reflected on those of us who pay more lip service than elbow grease to our dreams. If I’m honest, I can point to multiple areas where I wanted to achieve something, but my lack of discipline in striving for it brings my commitment into question:
• I want better abs, but skip a healthy breakfast for sugary and dairy-rich drinks;
• I want to be more toned, but haven’t been to the gym in four weeks;
• I want 2016 to be the year I write my first book, but I let two months go by without writing even a 500-word blog post;
• I want to finish my Bachelors, but didn’t submit any applications and complete my FAFSA
Facing the realization that I was stagnant, I asked myself: do you really want every item on your list? If so, I had to make it happen. It is easy to make excuses; to catalog all the obstacles keeping you from meeting your standard of success. The challenge is seeing where you have been the obstacle! It’s not pretty or fun, but it is essential for getting out of a rut and beginning our climb. In doing so, we can all ascend and move ‘closer to our dreams’.


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A native Seattleite and East Coast transplant, I have been interested in politics, religion, and race from the day I saw “The Autobiography of Malcolm X” on the bookshelf belonging to my BFF’s mom back in 1991. While my zealotry has thankfully diminished with maturity, I remain the deep thinking, passionate, and humble woman I have always been.

One thought on “Do You Really Want It: On Stagnation and Laziness

  1. I’m reading “The Power of Habit,” this week. You may enjoy it as well if you haven’t already. It discusses the brain’s response to routine and habit. I’ve found it helpful in identifying my own habits and routine’s that lead me away from what I truly desire. Also, I LOVE that you mentioned considering whether your goals are truly what you want. I think we all can benefit from revisiting goals regularly to see if they’re in line with our core values. I’ve considered returning to school in order to become an independent therapist multiple times. However the additional educational student loan debt, time away from my children, and limiting my travel truly doesn’t don’t seem worth it at this time. Maybe when the kids are grown and gone… Anyhow, Have a beautiful day!

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